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Carry Me Home

She had a face like the north side of the Eiger

Powder white and craggy underneath 

Head to toe in the dead skin of a tiger

But nobody could see beyond her teeth

She said come and hold me closer tiny dancer

Will you give as good as you are gonna get

She wasn't taking no for an answer

But there's life in this old dog yet

I will not go

While the taps still flow

I need a chaperone

Woah oh oh to carry me home

She had a temper like Eyjafjallajökull

Liable to blow at any time

And her jokes were as filthy as a coal scuttle

First there came the punch and then the line

She said my darling, you're leaving, pick a window

Don't show your face around here anymore

Well I don't mind a casual innuendo

I ain't ever shit like that before

I will not go

While the taps still flow

I need a chaperone

Woah oh oh to carry me home

It'll take more than a jack-knife and a crowbar

To lever me out of this chair

So bring me another bloody mary

Cause I'm not going anywhere

I will not go

While the taps still flow

I need a chaperone

Woah oh oh to carry me home

© Richard Quarterman 2018